Boat Hole!!

No mom, I am not at a bar getting drunk with a pregnant woman. And don't worry, it's not my baby. It's actually a pillow.

This is a picture of me taken by Kyle Cassidy http://kylecassidy.livejournal.com/ for the upcoming series of plays I am in.  (All rights for this picture are his.)
In this particular play, I am a neurotic depressed fool who gets approached by an eccentric pregnant woman played by the wonderful Jennifer Summerfield. 

The show is a part of the Philly Fringe festival.  You should come.  It's fun!  See here for more details and tickets::
http://livearts-fringe.org/details.cfm?id=13543

How ya livin? What? How ya livin?

Pretty much everyone I talk to has made a Seinfeld reference (or two (or 500)) at one point in a conversation. Like I said, I’m good with pop culture, and I understand that they are references to a legendary TV show, buuuuut, I never watched it.  Don’t be hatin’ tho. I’ve seen occasional reruns and the last episode of course, but when it was new, I wasn’t into it.

You can memorize all of these references and add it to a conversation; but I definitely had more of a connection with another show that somehow managed to influence many parts of my life.

I would sit in my bedroom with my 19” TV I got for Christmas many many years ago (being an only child has its perks.) When Seinfeld was on downstairs in the living room while my parents watched, I would watch In Living Color. At the time if you would have asked me which one of those two shows would have been eventually named the ‘greatest television show ever’ I would have been wrong. I would have said In Living Color, hands down.

Sure, at 10 years old, I didn’t get all of the jokes and references, but the characters in the sketches were so great I didn’t have to. And sure, it dealt with a lot of subject matter that I am completely ignorant about, but it didn’t stop me from laughing.  Their style of comedy is still my favorite.
Homey D. Clown, Fire Marshall Bill, Funky Finger Productions, Men on Film, and Wanda are characters that I still remember vividly. Holy shit…they were ALL funny.

Not only did this show make me laugh, it actually influenced me musically. The rare times that my parents would actually choose this show over a new episode of Seinfeld, as soon as the musical guest would come on, the channel would be changed. I would run up to my room to get my first real taste of the hip-hop music community. Heavy D, MC Lyte, Tupac. Amazing stuff and it was a [recorded] live performance!!

Speaking of influences on my life, I’d like to thank Jennifer Lopez and the rest of the fly girls for another. What can I say? I am a guy who’s into asses and hips and curves. Was it because of them and their dancing? Who knows…but I can say that I was definitely mesmerized by those girls.

So I don’t have the ability to spout out random Seinfeld references; I have no regrets. “Let me show ya somethin!” and “Three snaps…in a Z formation” will always ring in my head as great television comedy. And who would have thought a sketch comedy show could steer me into the directions that it has.
And for those of you who are asking why I didn’t start watching Seinfeld after In Living Color ended. I was 15. I found a new hobby. Women…with big booties of course.

A Bad Poem

When I was asked to do a "bad" poem, it occurred to me that I don't really know how to write a "good" poem.  But this poem won me a deck of Eastern State Penitentiary playing cards!  I wish everything I wrote would pay off so well!  Hey, you who's reading my blog...how about a prize??!!

"The greatest creation ever"

Midnight rolls around
  And I'm looking for some fun
I want that delicious
  Combination between your buns
Two quarter pound burgers
  Two slices american cheese
SIX strips of bacon
  Mayo, ketchup, yes please
Mouth-watering even without
  Lettuce or tomat-ers
Thank you my dear Wendy
  For the glorious Baconator

Cursing Champion of the World!

For those of you who don't know me, I do improv comedy in Philadelphia.  (More on that later, this is only my first post)  Recently I was able to take a workshop with Susan Messing, of Chicago improv fame...

I would like to point out I am not oblivious to pop culture, but I have no idea who anyone is.  When someone says, "OMG Susan Messing is coming to town!"  Sorry, I don't know who you are talking about.  When I don't recognize someone's name I just become the 'trending topics' on Twitter.  The more people that talk about that person, who they are, what they are known for, how long they can hold their breath, I become more aware of who they are.  And ultimately, I become interested, even without people starting their statements with the pound sign (#).
Long story short, that's what happened with Ms Messing. 

Being warned by more than one person that she can be "rather abrasive" was an understatement.  This woman curses and said more innapropriate things than I have ever heard in a time of three hours.  I am a total advocate for cursing, but there is no way I could fit that many shit, whores, and cocks in that amount of time. 

I would just like to point out that the now-previous champion of cursing is, in fact, my father.  This man managed to replace the filler-word "Ummm...ummm" with "fucking....fucking."  To this day, he still makes it seem legit.  His close friends are aware of the fact that when he does this, he is not talking about describing anything with the word 'fuck' or describing sex in any way, but that he is just thinking about what to say next. 

The main lesson that I took away from the workshop is the fact that people who watch live comedy of any type are easily amused, and they are just looking to get off on what you're doing. And like in life, things that are "pretty" are more likely to make people ejaculate. This is the main point of why she does comedy, to give people a good time. 

I would like to take this time to say that the workshop was actually really helpful and am looking forward to getting people off while...fucking....fucking...I'm on stage.  Congrats to Susan Messing on the newly crowned Cursing Champ of [my] World!